Work vs. Friendship: When There Is No Time Left

How Does Work Harm Friendships?

Empirical studies show that the demands of the modern workplace put considerable pressure on friendship practices in adulthood. The deregulation of employment, flexible working hours, intensified performance expectations, and the blurring of boundaries between work and leisure fundamentally change how people can live their friendships.

Erika Alleweldt (2013) examined the friendship practices of women from different milieus in a Berlin case study and revealed a core tension: all women interviewed desired a holistic friendship ideal — intimacy and a sense of security. At the same time, they were overwhelmed by actually maintaining such friendships. The differentiation of modern everyday life and professional realities makes it harder to experience friendships as a shared living space. Instead, what dominates is the organizational effort (finding a date for a meetup) and relationship management (meetings become appointments to be “checked off”). Compared to earlier life phases, these women share little in their daily lives; what they have in common “is largely limited to private conversations about life spheres outside the friendship.”

The Triple Burden

Alleweldt’s thesis of a “profanization of friendship” sums up this development: the understanding of friendship is increasingly less shaped by the normative question of “good” friendship; for many, the number of friends matters instead. Large friend groups become the epitome of social recognition.

Steve Stiehler (2009, 2019) reaches similar conclusions in his studies on male friendships. Here too, the transformation of work shapes the “character of friendship.” Stiehler identifies a growing fragmentation of life-phase-specific friendships among men. Overall, differentiated friendship in Simmel’s sense becomes “highly functional and necessary” (Schmidl, 2017) — but also pragmatized and stripped of its normative charge. These findings complement the psychological perspective on the impact of mobility on friendship networks with a socio-structural dimension.

Mobility and Fragmentation

Alleweldt’s (2013) qualitative study is based on a milieu comparison in Berlin and provides rich descriptions. Stiehler’s (2009, 2019) work on male friendships adds the gender perspective. Both studies are situated within sociological modernization theory (Beck, 1986; Giddens, 1995) and the debate on the subjectivization of work (Bröckling, 2007). They empirically demonstrate what sociological theory postulates about the consequences of individualization for personal relationships, and show that by including the social context it becomes evident how friendships are determined by societal processes (Alleweldt, 2013).

The empirical base is narrow: these are qualitative case studies with limited samples that primarily reflect West German urban milieus. Whether the patterns described apply equally in rural areas, other cultures, or other age groups remains an open question. Furthermore, the tension between the friendship ideal and its practice may be a cultural artifact: the normative charge of the “holistic” friendship ideal is historically grown and by no means universal. Comparative data from earlier decades that could show whether profanization has actually increased is lacking.

Post-Work Exhaustion

The current state of research on this aspect is summarized below.

Strategies for Balance

The current state of research on this aspect is summarized below.

Frequently Asked Questions

Does work harm friendships?

Empirical studies show that the demands of the modern workplace put considerable pressure on friendship practices in adulthood.

How do I find time for friends?

Erika Alleweldt (2013) examined friendship practices of women from different milieus in a Berlin case study and revealed a core tension: all women interviewed desired a holistic friendship ideal — intimacy and a sense of security.

Can the workplace replace friendships?

Steve Stiehler (2009, 2019) reaches similar conclusions in his studies on male friendships. Here too, the transformation of work shapes the “character of friendship.”

What helps against lack of time?

Alleweldt’s thesis of a “profanization of friendship” sums up this development: the understanding of friendship is increasingly less shaped by the normative question of “good” friendship; for many, the number of friends matters instead.