Hosting Friends vs. Relatives: What Sets Them Apart

What Sets Hosting Friends Apart from Hosting Relatives?

Yousuf & Backer (2016) studied 34 in-depth interviews with hosts in three Australian destinations to understand how hosting visiting friends (VF) differs from hosting visiting relatives (VR). The differences span three dimensions: emotional comfort, sense of obligation, and activity design.

Emotional comfort: relatives trigger a deeper, unreflective familiarity. Hosts report they can “just be” with family members — walk around in everyday clothes, leave the house untidy, combine meals spontaneously. With friends, however, the urge to make a good impression rises. The home is prepared, meals are choreographed, activities planned in advance.

Choice as the Key

Sense of obligation: relatives come with an implicit duty — “you host family.” This obligation can lead to stress, especially during longer stays, but also to a feeling of being taken for granted. Friends are hosted more voluntarily; at the same time, the pressure to “get it right” is higher because friendship is not secured by blood ties.

Activity design: friends stimulate more leisure activities. Hosts plan restaurants, day trips, sightseeing — especially important with friends from other regions. Relatives more often get “living-room visits”: watching TV together, conversations at the kitchen table. The choice of venue reflects this difference.

Obligation and Stress

A key finding: immigration moderates these differences considerably. In migrant households whose relatives travel long distances, even family visits become elaborate events because they happen less often and are frequently tied to occasions like weddings or funerals. The destination also plays a role: in tourist regions, hosts integrate sightseeing; in residential cities, domestic socializing dominates.

The study fills a gap in tourism research, which had long neglected the hosts of VFR travelers (Visiting Friends and Relatives). The design — qualitative interviews across three destination types — allows rich insights but no quantification. Theoretically, the work connects to Murphy’s (2001) concept of “social interaction” and Backer’s (2012) typology of VFR hosts. The result confirms the everyday intuition “blood is thicker than water” — but adds the important caveat that hosting friends demands more active, more reflective hosting effort.

Length of Stay and Burden

The sample is limited to Australia; cultural contexts with different family structures (collectivist societies, extended families) may show different patterns. Only hosts were interviewed, not the visitors — whose perceptions may differ. The qualitative methodology leaves open how pronounced the differences are. Reciprocity expectations may also differ between friends and relatives and deserve separate investigation.

Strategies for Harmonious Family Dinners

The current state of research on this aspect is summarized below.

Frequently Asked Questions

Why is inviting friends easier?

Yousuf & Backer (2016) studied 34 in-depth interviews with hosts in three Australian destinations to understand how hosting visiting friends (VF) differs from hosting visiting relatives (VR).

How do you reduce stress at family dinners?

Emotional comfort: relatives trigger a deeper, unreflective familiarity. Hosts report they can “just be” with family members — walk around in everyday clothes, leave the house untidy, combine meals spontaneously.

Do you have to invite relatives?

Sense of obligation: relatives come with an implicit duty — “you host family.” This obligation can lead to stress, especially during longer stays, but also to a feeling of being taken for granted.

Can you mix friends and family?

The sample is limited to Australia; cultural contexts with different family structures (collectivist societies, extended families) may show different patterns. Only hosts were interviewed, not the visitors — whose perceptions may differ.