Moving and Losing Friends: Mobility and Friendship Networks

What Happens to Friendships When You Move?

Social networks become smaller after moving to a different region. Neyer and Wrzus (2018) view increased mobility as a key explanation for the historical trend toward shrinking friendship networks observed in the meta-analysis by Wrzus et al. (2013).

The physical proximity that fosters friendships is lost through relocation. Without the chance encounters of everyday life, the fuel that keeps friendships alive disappears. The mere-exposure effect — repeated contact breeds liking — simply ceases to operate.

Compartmentalization Explained

A particularly interesting effect of mobility is the compartmentalizationof friendships: individual friends fill specific social functions but are no longer available comprehensively. Neyer and Wrzus (2018) illustrate this vividly: you do sports with X, discuss personal matters via Skype with Y, and play in a band with Z — but you share everything with nobody.

This functional division stands in contrast to the “nostalgic image” of all-encompassing friendships from earlier times. It resembles Simmel’s concept of differentiated friendship: different friends connect with different sides of your personality.

Anticipated Mobility

Mobility does not only cause loss; it also triggers a counterreaction: when people expect to move, their affiliation motive is activated — the need to maintain existing social bonds or build new ones.

They then strive to preserve or even expand their social network. This motivational activation explains why some people quickly make new contacts after a move, while others remain isolated.

New City, New Friends?

The causal claim “mobility shrinks networks” is empirically hard to isolate, because mobility correlates with many other life events — starting a career, starting a family, educational paths. All of these events affect the friendship network in their own right.

Online social networks can partially buffer the consequences of mobility by maintaining friendships across large distances. But for well-being, the in-person meeting remains irreplaceable.

Maintaining Long-Distance Friendships

Compartmentalization has consequences for reciprocity in friendships: when friends fill only certain functions, expectations of mutuality shift. You do not expect deep emotional counsel from your workout buddy.

For maintaining long-distance friendships, research recommends: regularity matters more than the medium. But plan regular in-person visits — no digital format can replace the neurochemical impact of a hug or a shared dinner.

Frequently Asked Questions

Do you lose friends when you move?

Yes — social networks become measurably smaller after a move. The meta-analysis by Wrzus et al. (2013) reveals a historical trend: the higher the mobility, the smaller the friendship networks. Physical proximity, which fosters friendships, is lost through relocation.

How do you maintain long-distance friendships?

Through regular contact — the form of contact (phone, video, text) matters less for relationship maintenance than frequency. However, in-person meetings are superior for well-being. Online social networks can help stabilize long-distance friendships.

How do you make friends in a new city?

Anticipated mobility activates the affiliation motive — the need to build new bonds. Regular presence in the same places (mere-exposure effect) and shared activities are the most effective strategies for making new friends.

What is compartmentalization?

An effect of mobility: individual friends fill specific social functions but are no longer available comprehensively. You do sports with X, discuss personal matters via Skype with Y, play in a band with Z — but you share everything with nobody.