Making Friends at Work and at School

Why Do Friendships Form at Work?

Three mechanisms work together: regular contact (mere-exposure effect), shared experiences (projects, challenges, successes), and the expectation of future interaction (knowing you will see each other again tomorrow).

A survey of nearly 1,000 men in the Detroit metropolitan area revealed the distribution: 26% at the workplace, 23% in the neighborhood, 20% from childhood (Fischer et al., 1977). Nearly two-thirds of employees in Germany have good friends at work (Statistisches Bundesamt, 2012).

Regularity as the Key

The mere-exposure effect explains why the workplace and school are so effective: we see the same people every day — and that alone increases liking. Segal (1974) demonstrated in a classic study that police trainees assigned seats alphabetically preferentially befriended surname neighbors.

What matters is not just being in the same place but whether the environment fosters cooperative interaction. Aronson and Bridgeman (1979) showed: the less competitive and the more collaboration-oriented the setting, the more likely friendships are to form.

The Expectation of Future Interaction

An additional mechanism: when people know they will see each other again, they invest more in the relationship from the start. The expectation of future interaction promotes self-disclosure and prosocial behavior.

The workplace and school offer exactly that: the certainty of being there again tomorrow. This reduces the risk of investing and makes it easier to take the first step.

Availability for New Relationships

People with saturated social networks invest less in new relationships. This explains why friendships often form during transitional phases: starting university, changing jobs, relocating. During these phases, availability for new contacts peaks.

For working women with families, the double burden often acts as a barrier: lunch breaks are used for errands rather than socializing with colleagues (Allan, 1989). Opportunity alone is not enough — you also need the capacity to use it.

School as a Friendship Factory

School maximizes three factors simultaneously: physical proximity (daily contact), similarity (same age), and shared experiences. On top of that, availability for new relationships peaks during the school years — the social network is not yet saturated.

Kubitschek and Hallinan (1998) found that ability grouping (tracking) influences friendship formation through similarity, proximity, and status. In cooperative group structures, friendships form on the basis of shared interests — in performance-based ones, on the basis of similar abilities.

Limits of Workplace Friendship

The foundational research (Fischer et al., 1977) is over 45 years old. Whether the distribution looks similar today — especially given remote work and digital communication — remains an open question. Moreover, the research primarily captures where friendships form, less why certain workplaces are more conducive than others.

The demands of the modern workplace can also make work friendships considerably harder: flexibilization, remote work, and frequent job changes reduce the regularity that the mere-exposure effect requires.

Frequently Asked Questions

Can you make real friends at work?

Yes — and it is actually the most common place for it. 26% of closest friendships form at the workplace (Fischer et al., 1977). Nearly two-thirds of employees in Germany have good friends at work (Statistisches Bundesamt, 2012). What matters is cooperative interaction, not mere proximity.

How does a colleague become a friend?

Through three mechanisms: regular contact (mere-exposure effect), shared experiences (joint projects, challenges), and the expectation of future interaction (knowing you will see each other again tomorrow). Cooperative rather than competitive work environments foster the process.

Why are school friendships special?

Because school maximizes three factors at once: physical proximity (daily contact), similarity (same age, similar life stage), and shared experiences (classes, breaks, field trips). On top of that, availability for new relationships peaks during the school years.

Does friendship hurt professionalism?

Not fundamentally. Parker (1964) found that employees in social professions more often had friends in the same field — with no detriment to their work. It only becomes problematic when friendship creates favoritism or when the boundaries between friendship and professional role blur.