What Is Friendship
Belonging: Why We Need Friends to Thrive
Belonging is not a luxury — it is a basic need. The feeling of being part of a group, a valued member — not interchangeable, not superfluous — is described in psychology as a sense of belonging. Friendships are one of the most important sources of that feeling. And when it is missing, the consequences are measurable.
What Is a Sense of Belonging?
A sense of belonging describes the experience of social connectedness — building and maintaining bonds with other people within a group or community. Newman, Lohman, and Newman (2007) define it as the affective aspect of group membership: the feeling of being a valued member, of being proud of your own group, and of having something you belong to.
For friendships, this feeling is foundational. Within society, people are connected through a web of social bonds that tells them who they are and where they belong. Friendship networks form key sub-networks that provide emotional and supportive ties.
Two Sides of Belonging
The concept unites two perspectives identified by Jansson (2009). First, belonging to a group: you experience yourself as part of a larger social context, share something in common with others, and develop a sense of personal continuity through that connection.
Second, possessing and being possessed: if you belong to a network, that network also belongs to you. You receive social, cultural, and economic advantages from your position within it. This dual structure explains why the loss of belonging is so distressing — you lose not just a feeling but also concrete resources.
For friendships, this means: when you lose a friend, you don’t just lose an emotional bond. You also lose part of your social network — and with it, part of what gives you orientation and appreciation.
Four Dimensions by McMillan & Chavis
McMillan and Chavis (1986) described a related concept with their Sense of Community (SOC) model, which can be applied to friendship groups. It comprises four dimensions.
| Dimension | Meaning | In Friendships |
|---|---|---|
| Membership | Emotional safety and personal investment | Feeling you belong, being willing to invest |
| Influence | Mutual influence | Mattering to your friend and feeling it in return |
| Needs fulfilment | Positive reinforcement | Mutual support and encouragement |
| Shared emotional connection | Shared experiences and values | Shared history and identification |
After McMillan & Chavis (1986).
Close friendships are characterised by high levels across all four dimensions. Reciprocity in friendships strengthens the sense of belonging because both sides actively invest in the relationship.
What Happens Without Belonging?
Newman, Lohman, and Newman (2007) showed empirically: a low sense of belonging correlates with higher rates of depression, anxiety disorders, and behavioural problems — especially among adolescents. The feeling of not belonging anywhere is not merely unpleasant; it is a risk factor for mental health.
The dual structure makes the loss doubly harmful: you simultaneously lose the feeling of personal continuity (group perspective) and access to social support (possession perspective). This explains why friendships are so closely tied to happiness — they satisfy a need that runs deeper than mere sociability.
Limitations of the Concept
The sense of belonging has primarily been studied at the community level, not specifically in dyadic friendships. Whether the SOC dimensions apply equally to one-on-one friendships as they do to groups has not been fully resolved methodologically.
Belonging can also have a darker side: group pressure and conformity expectations can restrict individual autonomy. In friendship research, this is discussed as a tension between voluntariness and social pressure. Cross-cultural studies that clarify whether the dimensions are universal are still lacking.
Belonging needs contact
A sense of belonging in friendships thrives on interaction. Fraily shows you where your friendships are alive — and where the connection has gone quiet.
Frequently Asked Questions
- Why do we need belonging?
- Belonging is a basic psychological need. It describes the experience of social connectedness — the feeling of being a valued member of a group. When this feeling is absent, the risk of depression, anxiety disorders, and behavioural problems increases (Newman, Lohman & Newman, 2007).
- What happens when the sense of belonging is missing?
- The loss operates on two levels: you lose access to social, cultural, and economic support (possession perspective) and the feeling of personal continuity (group perspective). Both losses together make the absence of belonging so distressing.
- How do friendships strengthen belonging?
- Friendships fulfil the four SOC dimensions: membership (emotional safety), influence (mutual influence), needs fulfilment (positive reinforcement), and shared emotional connection (shared experiences). The higher these dimensions, the stronger the sense of belonging.
- What are the four dimensions of belonging?
- McMillan and Chavis (1986) define Sense of Community through four dimensions: membership (boundaries, emotional safety, personal investment), influence (significance for the group), needs fulfilment (mutual reinforcement), and shared emotional connection (shared history and identification).
Sources
- Newman, B. M., Lohman, B. J. & Newman, P. R. (2007). Peer-group membership and a sense of belonging. Adolescence, 42(166), 241–282.
- McMillan, D. W. & Chavis, D. M. (1986). Sense of community: A definition and theory. Journal of Community Psychology, 14, 6–23.
- Jansson, A. (2009). Beyond “other spaces”: Media studies and the cosmopolitan vision. The Communication Review, 12(4), 305–312.
- Blanchard, A. L. (2007). Developing a sense of virtual community measure. CyberPsychology & Behavior, 10(6), 827–830.
- Damasio, M. J., Henriques, S. & Costa, C. (2012). Belonging to a community: The mediation of belonging. Observatorio (OBS*) Journal, Special issue, 127–146.